Oh there’s sadness today in Meatville- because I’m leaving tomorrow. I decided that to avoid the future, I would take a trip to the past. Meatville’s Yesteryear is a theme street where the buildings are old timey and the hosts wear powdered wigs and tell you how to use butter churns, spinning wheels and Radio Shack’s
Commodore 64. Or at least that’s what they tell you in the brochure.
Our tour guide seemed to have a different agenda. His name was Mean Larry Lambshank and he was a crank. Bad drivers,crooked politicians, the idiot dentist, jerk chickens and punk-ass babies…he had stories about all of them. These stories facinated the school kids in our tour group. This group, which sailed across the Gravy River from Carbtown, included a bunch a pee-wee zitis and their chaperone, Rita Ravioli. Each Mean Larry story solicited clapping and questions from these odd pastas. Ms. Ravioli would say, “Hmmm…Is that so, Mr. Lambshank? Class, let’s noodle on how we can change the world with the help of Mean Larry!”
At the end of the tour, we were able to mine our own gold in the fake mine shaft of Meatville. I scored 2 smooth rocks, 3 sparkly rocks, and a Cheerio from a punk-ass baby on the tour. What a great way to learn about the rich history of Meatville. I can’t wait to come back.
